Portals, Pirates and Predicaments
by MsBrooklyn
Summary: AU, post Season 5 and PoTC Crossover. What if Dawn and Glory went through the portal, finding themselves not in heaven or hell, but on the Black Pearl?


Portals, Pirates and Predicaments By MsBrooklyn@aol.com  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of 'em but they do run rampant in my head..  
  
Part I - The Mortal Coil  
  
Is it over? Did we win?  
  
Dawn Summers cracked open her eyes and was greeted with a sunlit sky that made her head throb almost as much as the cuts on her stomach.  
  
A hand grabbed her roughly and hauled her to her feet. "Lookee what we got 'ere, mates."  
  
It took a second for her eyes to focus, to realize the ground beneath her bare feet wasn't ground at all, but wood and it was rocking. A boat. She was on a boat. And the demon holding her wasn't really a demon. He was.a pirate?!  
  
"'allo, lovely." The pirate grinned at her with a few too many missing teeth.  
  
"Hi." Dawn smiled back uncertainly, waited a beat and then shrieked the one word that always saved her. "Buffy!!!!!!"  
  
"Now what's all this fuss about, missy?" Another pirate appeared at the elbow of the one holding her.  
  
"Buuuuuuufffffyyyyyyyy!!!!!!"  
  
"She's not here, you sniveling meatsack."  
  
Oh. No. That voice. "Glory?"  
  
The insane god draped an arm around her, ignoring the two pirates. "That's right, Dawnie. Your stupid Slayer sis really screwed things up this time. And would you look at my shoes? They're ruined."  
  
"Ahem." The pirate who'd inquired about the source of the fuss poked Glory with the tip of his sword. "Hush, darling."  
  
Glory arched an exquisitely shaped eyebrow and grabbed the sword. She jerked her hand back with a cry. "Ow! That hurt, you miserable insect!"  
  
"That wasn't very smart, pet. You've gone and cut yourself."  
  
"That's impossible," Glory snapped. She looked down at her hand. "Is that blood? Dawnie, am I bleeding?"  
  
Dawn examined the cut. "Yes, it is, and you are and I hope you die."  
  
"Oooooh, this is so unfair," Glory ranted. "Dreg! Where is he? Dreg! I want answers!"  
  
A body was hurled at her feet.  
  
"If yer inquirin' about the leper, we did the merciful thing -"  
  
"You killed my minion," Glory shrieked. "You. Killed. My. Minion. Nobody kills my minions except me."  
  
Dawn looked up at the pirate with the sword who was watching Glory's antics with more than a hint of amusement. "I don't suppose you'd let me kill her, would you?"  
  
The pirate smiled down at her and shook his head. "That's rather bloodthirsty talk for a little bit like yourself."  
  
"Please? I really, really hate her."  
  
The pirate shook his head again, causing the charms in his beard to clink together. "Not yet."  
  
"But maybe later? Like when she gets on your nerves?"  
  
"Maybe later," the pirate consented.  
  
"Are you in charge here," Glory demanded of the pirate, shoving Dawn out of her way.  
  
"I am." He bowed slightly. "Captain Jack Sparrow, at yer service."  
  
Her hand darted out and wrapped itself around his throat. "You were in charge here, mealworm. Now I'm in charge, got it?"  
  
Glory's eyes widened in shock as the captain plucked her hand off and then applied pressure to her wrist.  
  
"Owwwww. That hurts, you miserable -"  
  
"Toss this one in the brig, boys. The little one's with me."  
  
"Captain?" Dawn tugged at his sleeve again.  
  
Kohl-lined brown eyes met hers, "Yes, pet?"  
  
Dawn mimed a knife across her throat with her index finger. "Any time you want."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Captain Jack Sparrow watched the girl with interest as she explored his cabin. He took a sip of his precious rum as she made her way to his bookshelves, tilting her head to examine the titles. "Some of those ain't in English, love."  
  
Dawn - yes, that was her name-started at the sound of his voice. "Oh, uh, heh-heh, yeah, I can see that."  
  
She spun around guiltily and that's when he noticed the slashes and bloodstains on the front of her dress. The dress itself was clearly expensive, but contradicted by her bare feet. "Where are ye from, darlin'?"  
  
"Sunnydale." Dawn hesitated and then hastily added. "It's the family farm. In the colonies."  
  
A blind man could see she was lying. He decided to try another tack. Patting the bed beside him, Jack gestured to her. "Come here and I'll clean up those wounds for ya."  
  
"I'm okay. They're just." She trailed off and looked down at herself. "Where am I, anyway?"  
  
"You're on the Black Pearl, fastest ship in the Caribbean."  
  
"Wow." Dawn looked up, catching sight of the map on his table. In three steps, she was studying it intently.  
  
Jack cleared his throat. "Pet. Your wounds? Unless, ye'd like to get infected, of course?"  
  
The girl bounded over and perched next to him. "Do you have any cool pirate tattoos?"  
  
Was he losing his touch? Shouldn't she be quaking in fear, worrying about protecting her virtue - no matter that she was too young to be remotely interesting that way - and begging him not to hurt her? Instead, she was impertinently wandering around his cabin, poking at his things and now asking about his tattoos. Sighing, he rolled up his right sleeve and displayed the artfully done sparrow.  
  
Her finger traced the 'P' that had been branded below the tattoo. "P for 'pirate'?"  
  
"Aye. Nice ta know ya can read, little missy."  
  
"You got busted, huh?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Caught."  
  
"By the Dutch." Why was even he explaining this? "But I escaped, of course. Don't tell me ye've never heard of Captain Jack Sparrow?"  
  
"Nope. But I'll bet you've got lots of interesting stories -"  
  
"Very few of which are suitable for young ladies. Now would ye stop tryin' to delay me cleanin' those cuts?"  
  
"I wasn't -"  
  
"You were." He gave her his sternest look.  
  
"Okay, okay, maybe I was. This is going to sting, isn't it?"  
  
**************************************************************  
  
He reminded her of Spike. She was sure Buffy would throw a fit if she knew that she'd taken off her dress for the pirate so he could clean up her wounds. Of course, Captain Jack hadn't even glanced at her, just used some sort of smelly antiseptic, put on a couple of bandages and told her to get dressed again.  
  
And then he offered her a sip of rum, just to be polite.  
  
Spike would never have done that.  
  
Buffy would definitely have pitched a fit, which is why Dawn said yes and tasted rum for the first time in her fifteen years. She'd downed the entire mug in a gulp, which is something Buffy warned her never to do.  
  
"That's nasty," Dawn coughed. "Now I know why Spike prefers beer."  
  
"Spike?"  
  
She smiled slowly. "You'd probably know him as William the Bloody."  
  
"William the what?"  
  
"How about Angelus? Ever hear of him?"  
  
"Who?" Kohl-lined brown eyes narrowed at her.  
  
She bounced off the bed and reached for the crucifix he had hanging over his door. "I suppose this is just for luck, right?"  
  
"Leave it," Captain Jack ordered. "And sit down. Yer makin' me dizzy."  
  
Sitting down was a good idea, considering the room was spinning and the ship was pitching back and forth. Dawn sank into a chair. "Can I be a pirate?"  
  
Captain Jack sighed loudly and took another deep draught of rum. "Wouldn't ya prefer to get married an' have babies?"  
  
"I'm only fifteen," Dawn sniffed. "Besides, I know all about pirates. You're probably planning on selling me, right?"  
  
"That's what we do, little missy."  
  
"Big mistake. Huge."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"You need me."  
  
"And why would that be?"  
  
"Because those books over there that aren't in English.I can read most of them. And I'm getting pretty good with the spells and stuff - I'm no Willow, or anything - but I'm not bad. And," Dawn leaned forward whispering confidentially. "I'm the Key."  
  
To her shock, Captain Jack started laughing. Hard.  
  
"You think I'm lying? Ask Psycho-Glory what I am."  
  
"And next you'll be telling me Glory's no ordinary wench."  
  
"She's not."  
  
"Of course not," he snorted.  
  
"She's a hell-god."  
  
*******************************************************  
  
"This is no way to treat a hell god," Glory shouted, kicked at her cell door. "I'm going to eat all of your brains for this you rotten little meat bags."  
  
"Hush, miss."  
  
"What do you want, old man," Glory sniffed.  
  
"The name's Joshamee Gibbs, miss, and the captain might let you out if you behave yourself." The old pirate kept his distance, eyeing her warily.  
  
"Behave myself? Do you know who I am?!"  
  
"A wench what's in a great deal of trouble with our captain."  
  
"You have more to worry about from me, Gibbsy." Glory began pacing her small cell. "I'm a god, little man. I could crush you with a finger. But I'm going to offer you the chance of a lifetime. Let me out of here, give me back my Key and I'll give you more power than your feeble little mind could ever fathom."  
  
"Miss, the captain's not much appreciative of talk of mutiny, even from a lady as lovely as yourself---"  
  
"Mutiny? You think I want this rotten little boat? I want my universe, Gibbsy." She stopped her pacing and glared at him. "All I want is to go home. Is that too much to ask? Is it?"  
  
"O-of course not, miss -"  
  
"I don't know how you pathetic humans do it. All this suffering, all this pain..for what?"  
  
Gibbs began backing away from the cell.  
  
"Where are you going?!"  
  
Gibbs turned and fled back up the stairs.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
"Bring her, Gibbs."  
  
"She's mad, Cap'n. Why don't you amuse yourself with the nice wee girl instead," Gibbs suggested.  
  
Jack resisted the urge to roll his eyes and instead gestured at the girl who was snuggled under his covers, sleeping off her rum. "A bit on the young side, Gibbs, wouldn't you say? Besides, I'm still keen to know how two lasses and a leper found themselves on that wreck in the middle of the ocean."  
  
"I'm sure the mad one was behind it all."  
  
"Gibbs. Why are you stalling?"  
  
"She tried talking me into mutiny, Cap'n. Dangerous wench, she is, and bad luck, too."  
  
"I can see how following her curvy form might have its appeal, Mr. Gibbs," Jack chuckled. "Bring her and have supper brought for the three of us. I'm sure the girl-child will wake when she smells food."  
  
"Food?" The lump in his bed spoke. "Where?"  
  
"Here and shortly." The Key, indeed. Whatever that was.  
  
Moments later, Gibbs steered a complaining Glory into Jack's cabin.  
  
She stormed up to Jack and poked a finger into his chest. "Where's my Key, worm?"  
  
Jack removed her hand, capturing it in his own. "You might want to mind your manners, pet, considering the position you find yourself in."  
  
Glory yanked her hand from his and, in a lightning-fast movement, grabbed his head in her hands. She emitted a shriek of frustration. "Why am I not eating your brains right now?"  
  
He grabbed her hands again. "Perhaps you'd prefer whatever the galley prepared instead?"  
  
At the suggestion of food, the wench's stomach rumbled. She nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound. "What is that?"  
  
"That's your stomach telling you that you'd prefer something other than my brains."  
  
"That's impossible."  
  
"Is it, now?"  
  
"Gods don't eat."  
  
The lump in Jack's bed moaned. Dawn emerged from her cocoon of blankets and got shakily to her feet. "Haven't you figured it out yet, oh great Glorificus? You're not a god anymore. You're a pathetic little meat sack, suffering along this mortal coil with the rest of us."  
  
"What?! That's impossible," Glory wailed.  
  
Jack stepped aside as Dawn walked up to Glory. "When we got sucked through that portal, you lost your powers. Which means I get to do this."  
  
With that, Dawn punched Glory in the face.  
  
Glory staggered backwards, her hand flying up to her mouth, staring in shock at the blood on her hand. "You're going to pay for that, Dawnie. I just need your blood, little girl, it doesn't matter if you have arms."  
  
***************************************  
  
Chapter II - The Not-So-Great Glorificus  
  
The two circled each other warily. Jack supposed he should stop it, but there were answers to his questions buried in the arm-ripping and face- punching threats. No, he decided, the best thing to do was stay out of the way and wait for the opportune moment.  
  
"You want my arms, hell-bitch? How about my foot?" Dawn pivoted and kicked Glory across the cabin.  
  
"Ow, ow, owwwww." Glory rose shakily to her feet. "I'm not supposed to feel pain -"  
  
"Then make it stop," Dawn snarled.  
  
Glory barely dodged the next assault.  
  
It went on like that for another five minutes before the girl, Dawn, grabbed one of Jack's swords from his weapons chest and brandished it at the madwoman.  
  
"Go ahead," Glory hissed. "Kill me and see if you ever get home again. You have no idea how to unlock the portal."  
  
"Whose home? Mine or your crappy hell dimension?"  
  
"Your home is that crappy hell dimension, Dawnie." Glory drew herself up and fluffed her hair. "Why won't you understand that we don't belong here? You're the Key. You're not one of them. You're more -"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, ball of green energy, not real, blah blah blah." Dawn raised the sword. "This is all your fault."  
  
Jack had to admit, the girl had good form, but enough was enough. "Ladies!"  
  
They stared at him, eyes flashing.  
  
"Dawn, pet, give ol' Jack the sword, eh?"  
  
"You heard the mealworm, Dawnie. Give him the sword."  
  
Growling in frustration, Dawn lowered the sword, fixing a pair of big green eyes on Jack. "You're going to wish you let me run her through."  
  
Gingerly, he plucked the sword from her. "I'm sure I will, darlin'."  
  
"Hey!" Glory stamped her foot. "I have feelings, you know. And you know, both of you, rude okay? Why is it so hard for either of you to understand that all I want is to go home?"  
  
"Maybe because you wanted to use my blood to get there," Dawn snapped.  
  
"But it isn't real blood, honey," Glory cooed. "You're trapped here just like I am. I just want to set us free."  
  
"It is real blood. It's Buffy's blood."  
  
"So not my fault, Dawnie. Those monks could have made you into a bird or a butterfly, or even a pretty, shiny diamond but they decided you needed to be human. It's not my fault they made you out of the Slayer."  
  
Jack's head was starting to spin. Slayers, monks, keys, hell gods..there was something here that was as real as the Aztec curse, but he needed to separate these two hissing alley cats before he could even begin to figure it out.  
  
It was just that moment that Gibbs poked his head in the door, bearing a tray of food. "Cap'n?"  
  
"Gibbs, will you escort young Miss Dawn to the galley? She can eat there."  
  
"Why do I have to leave," Dawn demanded. And then a look of understanding, quickly replaced by a look of disgust flashed on her face. "Oh, god, Captain Jack, no! Don't go there!"  
  
Jack patted her on the head. "Be a good girl, Dawn, and go with Mr. Gibbs."  
  
She scowled up at him. "Alright, but remember, if you change your mind, I'll kill her for you."  
  
"Aye, pet. I'll bear it in mind." Bloodthirsty little wench might make a good pirate yet..  
  
***********************************************  
  
Too much. It was just too much. Mortal. Human. Human!!! Glory moaned loudly at her predicament and at the bruises she saw in her reflection.  
  
"There, there, darlin'."  
  
Glory nearly jumped out of her skin as the mortal with the strange bird name crept up behind her. He put his hand on her shoulder - yes, he dared to touch the great Glorificus - and spun her around so they were face to face. His fingers gently touched where that little brat, Dawnie, marked her.  
  
He was touching her.  
  
"What are you doing, bird-person?!"  
  
"Making certain that your beauty hasn't been permanently damaged."  
  
Was he mocking her? He was mocking her. "Don't mock me, sub-creature."  
  
"That's Captain Sparrow to ye, lass."  
  
"That's Glorificus to you, sub-creature." She slipped away from him. Why was he looking at her like that? It wasn't fear in his eyes. No, that was something else. "Why are you looking at me like that, Sparrow Captain?"  
  
"Captain Sparrow," he corrected her, moving in close again. "Of course, since we're alone, perhaps I'll let ye call me Jack."  
  
Glory felt yet another unpleasant sensation, not unlike when she needed to eat a brain. The sparrow-creature caught her before she could fall and guided her to his bed.  
  
"Easy, pet. Rest a bit and I'll get ye some water."  
  
"I don't need water."  
  
"Rum, then?"  
  
"Weak. Need a brain -"  
  
"There'll be no brain-eatin' on my ship, love." He cupped her face in his hand again. "Understand?"  
  
She reached up for his face again. Nothing. By the Eternal.she'd been reduced to a pathetic human with all of those annoying body functions. Her shriek of frustration was cut short by the sparrow-creature pressing his lips to hers. Was there no end to the humiliations and violations, now that she couldn't crush these annoying creatures into pulp?  
  
Finally, he released her. "Feel better now?"  
  
"I want to go home."  
  
********************************************* Part III -- Help Me, Birdman  
  
Now there was a familiar complaint.  
  
"Aye, pet, I'm sure you do," Jack murmured. When she wasn't calling him a worm and threatening to eat his brain, she was quite the fetching little lass. Strange. But definitely fetching.  
  
"Hey, I know." She blinked up at him, as though noticing him for the first time. "Maybe you can help me, Jackbird."  
  
"Jack," he corrected her.  
  
"I thought you were some kind of bird-creature." The daft wench closed her eyes and began snapping her fingers. "Swan, starling, help me out here."  
  
"Sparrow."  
  
"Right." Glory or Glorificus or whatever the wench's name was beamed up at him. "Sparrow. Maybe you can help me get home."  
  
"Why would I want to do that?"  
  
Her fingers wrapped themselves around the front of his shirt. "I'm a god, bird-man. The answer should be obvious."  
  
"Enlighten me, pet."  
  
"Power."  
  
"I have all the power I want, love." He'd met women who were so rich they thought they were royalty, but this was definitely a first. "Look around you. This is all mine."  
  
Glory burst into laughter. "This rotting pile of sticks is all the power you want?"  
  
"This rotting pile of sticks," Jack retorted, icily, "is the Black Pearl, the fastest ship in the Caribbean."  
  
She snorted again and then looked perplexed at his expression. "Don't you ever crave more?"  
  
"Such as?"  
  
The wench slipped past him, to the window and peered out. "You're at the mercy of the elements in this pearl-thing."  
  
"The Black Pearl, missy."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why do you even bother?"  
  
"You speak in riddles, little missy."  
  
"Your limited language doesn't have the words for what I want to say." Her nose wrinkled in frustration. "Jackbird --- uh, JackSparrow.why won't you just do what I tell you? I never had this problem with Dreg."  
  
"The leper?" She was comparing him to a leper?!  
  
"Dreg was a demon, mealworm. And superior to you, even if he was a groveling , little bottom-feeder."  
  
That did it. Not only was she comparing him to a leper, but, she was telling him the leper was better than him. "One more word and it's back to the brig for you, Miss Glory."  
  
"What did I say?"  
  
It was going to be a long night.  
  
*********************************************************** Part IV - Who's Torturing Who?  
  
"Where's Glory? Can I kill her now?"  
  
Captain Jack didn't answer, didn't acknowledge her presence, until he drained the last drop of rum from the bottle he'd been holding when that nice Mr. Gibbs brought her back. Lowering the bottle, Dawn saw a look that her mother and lately, Buffy, often wore. "No, you cannot kill her now."  
  
"How about torture? Is torture okay?" Yup, that was definitely the same look Buffy always got when Dawn pushed her buttons about stuff like sex and staying up past her bedtime. "I'll bet you've got lots of torture stuff here, y'know like whips and hot pokers and stuff -"  
  
"Young missy!" Captain Jack raised his hand. "One moment of quiet is all I ask. Can ye give me that?"  
  
Wow, he even said the same thing Buffy did. And she didn't have to mention sex. Yet. She'd save that for later. He'd probably have the same reaction Spike did, which was a beer spit-take so powerful, he knocked his TV over with the sheer force of it.  
  
Finally, Captain Jack straightened his shoulders and considered her thoughtfully. "Your Glory is a bit mad, isn't she?"  
  
"Well, duh." Dawn rolled her eyes.  
  
"First lass I ever met thinks she's a goddess. Many's the wench who thought she was a queen or princess, but goddess.Never been called a mealworm so many times in one day."  
  
"I could rip her tongue out for you," Dawn offered.  
  
"I see you've met Mr. Cotton ---"  
  
"And his parrot. Did you know his parrot swears in five different languages? What's tupping mean, Captain Jack?"  
  
Instead of answering, Captain Jack reached for another bottle.  
  
"Captain Jack?"  
  
"Lass."  
  
Dawn gave him her most innocent look.  
  
"I want answers." For someone who'd consumed an amazing amount of booze, his eyes were clear and intelligent. "Otherwise, it's off to the brig with you, too, and I swear I'll put ye in the same cell with yer Glory."  
  
"You put her in the brig? Again? All right, Captain Jack!!!!"  
  
"Answers, lass, not questions, not cheers, answers. Savvy?"  
  
Savvy? Didn't they use that in bad Westerns? At least her French class was going to come in handy. "Oui. Je le sais."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You said 'savez', which means do you understand and I answered you."  
  
"English. You answer in the King's English and no more game-playin'!"  
  
"Yes, Captain Jack."  
  
"Yes, Captain Jack," he mimicked. "That's Captain Sparrow to ye."  
  
"Does this mean I'm part of your crew now?"  
  
"No, it bloody does not mean yer part of the crew. Yer a prisoner, plain an' simple and just because I haven't hurt ye yet, doesn't mean I won't if I don't start getting some cooperation. Sav - uh, understand?"  
  
***************************************** Puppy-dog eyes. The lass was giving him puppy-dog eyes. If she started crying, he was done for. Maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh with her, being she was such a bonny wee thing, but.. These two wenches were driving him out of his mind.  
  
He was used to indignant merchant whelps, who slapped him and then cowered in fear, not wenches who called him 'mealworm' and threatened to eat his brain or offered to torture each other.  
  
Maybe this was all part of the Aztec gold curse. Maybe this was more of that eternal suffering.  
  
The little lass sniffled and the answered him in a small, chastened voice. "Fine. Shoot."  
  
"I'm not going to shoot ye. I just want to ask ye a few questions."  
  
"That's what I said. Shoot."  
  
Look at those big, green eyes. So sweet. So innocent. And likely to stab him with the business end of his own sword if he turned his back on her. "If you and Miss Glory detest each other so, how did you come to be marooned with her and the leper?"  
  
"She kidnapped me."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Who knows? She's a nut job, in case you haven't noticed."  
  
"I did notice and I also noticed ye're a good liar, but not a great one. I want the whole truth, Miss Dawn, or I'll be showing ye those torture devices ye wanted to see up close and personal-like if ye get my meanin'."  
  
"I was supposed to be a blood sacrifice so she could go home."  
  
"And her home is hell, is it?"  
  
"A hell dimension."  
  
"There's more than one hell?"  
  
The girl bit her lip thoughtfully and then nodded. "There's different realities and sometimes the fabric of our reality rips and they spill over."  
  
"I see," Jack lied.  
  
She darted over to his bookshelves and pulled out a volume. "You will. Here, look, this book you've got is one of the Watcher diaries. "  
  
Jack stood behind her, peering over her shoulder. "That's one of the books not in English, pet, how do I know you're not making this up?"  
  
"I've read this one before."  
  
"Oh, ye have, have you?"  
  
"Uh-huh. This isn't the only copy. Or maybe it is. Anyway, I've read it. Giles had it sent over."  
  
"All right, then, what language is it in, if you can read it word for word?"  
  
"Phoenician."  
  
"And there's a bit about ol' Glory in there?"  
  
"Nope. She's older than that, older than recorded history."  
  
"Tha's not very polite," Jack chided her. "She's your elder ---"  
  
"She'll tell you herself. She was there when the universe was created. So, like, she had her own hell dimension that she ruled with two other hell- gods, but she got so powerful they banished her -"  
  
"And you, the Key, how do you fit into this?"  
  
"I keep the dimensions separate or something. These monks found out that Glory was getting her strength back, so in order to prevent her from going home, they took me, a ball of green energy, and made me human."  
  
"So you're not human, either?"  
  
"Uh, kind of, but I've only been human about six months or so."  
  
"And before that ye were an energy ball."  
  
"Right."  
  
"Oy." Jack's head was throbbing and no amount of rum was going to help. "Gibbs! GIBBS!!!"  
  
His faithful first mate poked his head into Jack's cabin. "Yes, Cap'n?"  
  
"Brig," Jack said, weakly. "Put this one in the brig and by God, bring me the strongest drink we have on board."  
  
***********************************  
  
Part V - We Have An Accord, Savvy?  
  
Glory was sulking.  
  
She was good at sulking, even better at tantrums, but without Dreg or the rest of her usual audience, a good tantrum would be wasted. Besides, she hurt. Who'd have thought Dawnie could punch that hard?  
  
The pathetic human that was guarding her kept looking at her and saying things under his breath. It was getting on her nerves. If she'd had a fraction of her usual strength, she'd have torn the door off of her cell, ripped his tongue out and beaten him to death with it by now.  
  
Footsteps and yes, that was Dawnie chattering up a storm to..  
  
"Hi, Gibbsy!"  
  
Gibbsy threw her an uneasy look and ignored her greeting. "The Cap'n wants me to put you in there with her, lass."  
  
Dawnie shrugged. "No biggie. I kicked her ass before."  
  
"Excuse me!" Glory stamped her foot again. Once upon a time, she would have toppled this wooden heap with her foot. Instead, all she succeeded in doing was splashing fetid water on her pretty gown that she had custom-made for her return home. "Dammit, why is everyone doing this to me?"  
  
The two continued to ignore her. Gibbsy promised to look in on Dawnie and try to convince Jackbird that she shouldn't be left in the brig.  
  
"What about me," Glory demanded, as Gibbsy pushed a reluctant Dawnie into the cell. "When do I get out of here?"  
  
"Probably never," Dawnie informed her, brightly. "Captain Jack didn't like you calling him a mealworm."  
  
"But he's so obviously inferior! And I don't see why he gets to have all the minions!"  
  
"You should lower your voice. I don't think that big one guarding us likes being called a minion."  
  
"Who cares? He's a minion. They're ----"  
  
"Shut up, already," the large pirate growled. "Now I see why the cap'n ain't got you warming his bed tonight. You got a mouth on ya, you do, only yer using it the wrong way."  
  
Glory blinked. Warming Jackbird's bed? Using her mouth the wrong way? Her minions wrote volumes about the lusciousness of her mouth and the gems that came out of it. Warming Jackbird's bed? Was that.could he possibly mean.. "Are you trying to tell me I should be screwing Jackbird? Why?"  
  
"Because yer a nice bit o'fluff." The pirate moved closer to the cell and eyed her appreciatively. "I wouldn't mind having a go at ye meself."  
  
"I'll let you if you become my minion."  
  
"Glory!"  
  
"What, Dawnie?" Why did Dawnie look so horrified? "It's not fair that Jackbird has all the minions and this one seems nice and strong, even if he smells."  
  
"That's mutiny," Dawnie hissed. "You can't try and talk the crew into mutinying against Captain Jack. He'll kill them and you. It's like a code of honor thing."  
  
"I just want a few minions. Is that so wrong," Glory demanded. "Who cares if it's a mutiny?"  
  
"I might." The Sparrowman stood outside the cell, glaring at her. "I'll not tolerate talk of mutiny on the Pearl, missy. You are dismissed Mr. Vance."  
  
"Aye, sir. An' may I say, sir, that the wench said mutiny, not me. All's I wanted was a bit of rough an' tumble."  
  
"Dismissed, Vance. Now!"  
  
Glory sighed as her potential minion disappeared up the stairs, leaving her with a very angry Jackbird. "What did I do now, Jackbird?"  
  
"I told you," Dawnie hissed again. "You tried to get his crew to mutiny."  
  
"Mutiny, schmootiny, all I want is some minions. Is that so wrong? A couple of minions, a shaman or two and the planets properly aligned and maybe, just maybe we can go home. You can be a ball of energy again, Dawnie -"  
  
"I don't want to be a ball of energy!"  
  
Jackbird cleared his throat. "Ladies."  
  
"Your smelly minion wanted to know why we're not screwing, Jackbird."  
  
Jackbird's mouth dropped open.  
  
"Well? Don't you want to? I'm absolute perfection. I'm a god! Hello! Why wouldn't you want to screw a god, Jackbird?"  
  
******************************************  
  
Jack stared and dimly realized his mouth was hanging open and the flies were bound to come in sooner or later. The madwoman was still talking and he caught the word 'mealworm' again. Focus, Jack, focus.  
  
"..any kind of prowess, I'll make you my favorite minion."  
  
The little lass, Dawn, was also gaping at Glory.  
  
Finally, Glory stopped talking, and her gaze flitted from Dawn to Jack. "What?"  
  
"Nothing," Dawn squeaked.  
  
"No, really, tell me. I want to know. What did I say that was so wrong?"  
  
"Shall we start at your injudicious choice of pet names," Jack snapped. "I am Captain Jack Sparrow, love. Not Jackbird, not Sparrowman, not mealworm and not today, nor ever, your minion."  
  
"Now you're gone and pissed him off," Dawn stage-whispered.  
  
Glory shrugged. "Names aren't important, Jackbird. Take me, for instance. I'm Glorificus, and I prefer Glory, but my minions refer to me as She Who Causes Most Pleasant Nocturnal Emissions and ---"  
  
"You will address me as Captain Sparrow, wench." She who causes what?! No, Jack, don't go there. "And as for why I won't screw you, as you so indelicately phrase it, perhaps it's because the notion makes me violently ill."  
  
"Guess you like guys, then. Too bad old Ben's not around. There'd be something for you to screw," Glory commented, oblivious to his indignation. "He was cute, wasn't he Dawnie? The Slayer really had the hots for him -"  
  
"Captain Jack?"  
  
Jack opened his eyes. He'd closed them, tried to shut out the scene in his brig, hoped it was a nightmare, but no, the two wenches were really there. "Yes, Miss Dawn?"  
  
"Can I kill her now?"  
  
"Why would you want to kill me? I'm the only one who can get you home. That is, if Jackbird over there gets his head out of his ass and takes us somewhere I can get some minions."  
  
Yes. Maroon her on an island with the little whelp. Let them kill each other. It wouldn't really be on his head. He'd give them three days' provisions and order the Pearl to get away as fast as her sails would take her. "And where would you like to go, milady?"  
  
Glory beamed at him and Jack had to admit, she really was a fetching creature, as long as she didn't speak. But speak she did. "What's the nearest island where the absolute worst class of people live?"  
  
"That'd be Tortuga, lamb."  
  
"Bet we can find us some sympathetic demons there, right, Dawnie?"  
  
"This sounds like a really bad idea," Dawn complained.  
  
Jack wanted nothing more than to agree with young Dawn, but if Glory wanted to be marooned on Tortuga, who was he to argue? "Then we have an accord, missy?"  
  
******************************************** Part VI - You Say Tortuga, I Say Torture - Let's Call The Whole Thing Off  
  
The three-day voyage to Tortuga passed quickly, thanks to great quantities of rum and by making Gibbs deal with the wenches in the brig. Of course, Gibbs felt compelled to complain after each visit to the brig. First he'd complain about the injustice of leaving the little girl in the brig and then about the scary Glory-woman, who was surely bad luck to have on board the Pearl.  
  
Jack supposed it would have been easier if the rest of his crew would go near the brig, but even AnaMaria, his bravest scallywag, laid eyes on Glory and refused to go near the scary bruja again. AnaMaria wouldn't elaborate on what happened, but Jack was certain the words mutiny, minion and mealworm were likely involved.  
  
As it was, the crew was likely to mutiny if that Glory woman stayed on board one day longer. Jack didn't blame them in the least. Unfortunately, they also refused to take part in getting rid of her, being as they were all terrified of the pretty madwoman.  
  
Naturally, this distasteful task was now his and his alone. Thank goodness he had sufficient rum and there were plenty of taverns on Tortuga. Thus fortified, he made his way down to the brig.  
  
To his amazement, the two lasses were seated on the sole bunk in the cell, eyes shut and chanting in a language that he didn't recognize. He wasn't sure whether to be more surprised that they were both still alive or because they seemed to be getting along.  
  
"Ladies. We have arrived."  
  
"About darn time," Glory commented, opening her eyes and focusing her gaze on him. "I could use some fresh air. Did you know it smells down here?"  
  
"I was aware of that, yes." Still as charming as ever.  
  
Dawn, however, simply shot him a sullen glare.  
  
As cute and harmless as she seemed, he didn't trust her for a second. Nonetheless, Jack felt compelled to give her his most disarming smile. He was, after all, Captain Jack Sparrow and women, no matter whether they were hell gods, balls of energy or just ordinary strumpets found him irresistible. Usually. "Dawn, lass, a pleasure to see ye again."  
  
"Get stuffed."  
  
It wasn't an insult he recognized, but there was no doubt she was holding a grudge over being locked down here for three days. Ignoring her peevish manner, Jack continued to smile at the two lasses. "These are the rules -"  
  
"We go ashore, you help us, we go home. End of story," Glory interrupted.  
  
"We go ashore. You will remain close to me and do as I say. Understood?"  
  
Glory blinked in surprise. "Why?"  
  
"Because I waited until nightfall to do this and Tortuga is a bit..rough when the sun sets." Especially when you're with two crazy women looking for demons, he added silently. "Was there a particular destination ye had in mind once we arrive?"  
  
"We've already located the person we need to see." Glory grinned at his perplexed expression. "That was a locator spell you interrupted, Jackbi - uh, I mean, Jack."  
  
"Spell? I thought ye were supposed to be a god, not a witch."  
  
"Hell god," she clarified. "The black arts and I are old friends. I can transmogrify itty bitty snakes into big ugly monsters and ---"  
  
"Glory! Not helping."  
  
"Now what did I do, Miss Manners? You told me not to call him Jackbird or offer to screw him again and I didn't -"  
  
"They don't like witches in this century."  
  
Jack could feel the familiar throbbing behind his eyes begin again. "This century?"  
  
"We kind of traveled through time," Dawn murmured.  
  
"I thought ye came from hell."  
  
"We did, but we were in the future."  
  
Less than five minutes with these two and he was ready to save Norrington the work and hang himself. Until Glory did something totally unexpected. She laughed. The sound was like music.  
  
"Silly man, you need to think of time and space like this ocean you're so fond of. It's not up and down, it's one drop of water touching another, flowing together and flowing apart. Endless possibilities, infinite outcomes."  
  
"Infinite diversity in infinite combinations," Dawn grumbled. "This is no time to go all Spock on anyone, Glory."  
  
"Don't be so negative, Dawnie, we're going home!" Glory beamed at Jack. "Serve me well and I'll bring you with me and give you power beyond your dreams, little man."  
  
Was it the little man or that she inferred he was her servant? Whatever it was, Jack plastered on his fiercest scowl. "I'm going to open this door and ye're going to follow me to the longboat. Savvy?"  
  
Dawn got to her feet first. "Wait."  
  
"Now what?"  
  
"Supplies. We should take supplies."  
  
"I've already packed supplies in the longboat, missy. Besides, there are taverns and inns aplenty on Tortuga."  
  
"Did you pack weapons? We're playing with demons tonight, Jack," Dawn said, softly. "This isn't your usual fight."  
  
Demons. He'd love to scoff at her, but he'd seen Barbossa and knew of curses firsthand. "What is it ye be angling for, pet?"  
  
"Wooden stakes, a crossbow if you've got, and swords. You can kill anything if you go for the head, heart or eyes."  
  
"Yer askin' me to arm ya to the teeth," Jack protested. "I give you all that and it's my head ye'll be cuttin' off."  
  
"Oh don't get your feathers all ruffled, Jackbird," Glory cooed at him. "Just give her a few wooden stakes and she'll be happy. Besides, you've got a nice, big sword, don't you?"  
  
He swallowed hard as he followed her gaze to the belt around his waist. Any other woman and he'd be flirting back. This one gave him chills down his spine. Still, she was pretty and she did offer, didn't she? And wasn't he Captain Jack Sparrow, irresistible to hell gods and strumpets alike? "Aye, lass, a nice, big sword."  
  
"Let me see it."  
  
"Maybe later."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Later."  
  
It was going to be a long night.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Strange things began happening the moment they arrived in Tortuga. Jack was used to the throngs of beggars waiting by the docks, asking for a pence or two. But tonight was a different story.  
  
"Spare a penny, sir?" The cloaked figure emerged from the shadows, grimy hand outstretched. It was impossible to tell if the beggar was man or woman, but when its gaze rested on young Dawn, its tone changed instantly. "You're not real. Not real. Such a pretty, green glow. Not real."  
  
Dawn backed up a step, pressing against Jack's arm, clearing the beggar's vision of Glory.  
  
The beggar shrieked in pure terror. "The Beast!"  
  
Glory laughed and reached to pet the beggar. "See? It knows me."  
  
Screeching in alarm, the beggar darted back into the shadows, shuffling with a speed that surprised Jack.  
  
"Sk'lanth," Glory explained. "Masquerading as human."  
  
Jack felt light-headed as he regarded his companions. "The Beast?"  
  
"What can I say, Jackbird? I'm famous." Glory shrugged nonchalantly.  
  
"Captain Sparrow," he corrected absently. A Sk'lanth? Had he passed by demons before without noticing? How had he not noticed? A tug at his sleeve pulled him back into the moment.  
  
"Most demons aren't obvious," Dawn told him. "They blend in society. Some in disguise. You've probably had one in your crew at some time."  
  
Jack squinted at her. There was no green glow that he could discern. But then again.. "I need a drink."  
  
"You've already had a whole bottle," Dawn complained. "Besides, the sooner we find the oracle, the faster you can get rid of us."  
  
"The oracle's in there." Glory pointed to the Painted Dog tavern. "My charm's glowing."  
  
"Charm?"  
  
Glory held up a glowing peach pit. "We didn't have much to work with, thanks to you."  
  
Screwing up his courage, Jack flashed a smile at the crazy woman. "Both of you need to stay close. Tortuga's taverns aren't the safest of places."  
  
****************************  
  
Jack wasn't sure which was worse, Glory pushing the tavern's patrons out of her way or that he needed to drag young Dawn through the tavern while she gawped at just about everything. Before he could decide, however, Glory stopped and pointed to a strumpet who had clearly seen better days.  
  
"That's our oracle."  
  
The strumpet looked in their direction, hesitated for a beat and then shrieked. "It's the Beast. Run!"  
  
It was all Jack could do to grab the women and shield them with his body as the bar emptied around them. Seconds later, they were the only ones remaining. His eyes met Glory's. "You're definitely famous, pet."  
  
But that was not to be the last shock of the night.  
  
Glory's lower lip quivered and she hiccupped before bursting noisily into tears.  
  
It was definitely going to be a long night.  
  
*************************************  
  
VII - Big Gods Don't Cry  
  
What horrible new thing was happening? Her nose was stuffy and her throat ached and her eyes were burning. Glory didn't like this turn of events. Not in the least.  
  
Suddenly, Jackbird draped his arms around her and pulled her close. She could barely make out what he was saying over the noises her disgusting meat sack of a body was making but it sounded like 'there, there, pet' and possibly even 'don't cry.'  
  
Crying?  
  
Gods don't cry.  
  
Except, maybe, she did. And she was.  
  
Dimly, something else caught her notice.  
  
Jackbird was warm and he smelled like the sea and the sun and kind of sweaty, which should have been disgusting, but it wasn't. His hands were stroking her back and felt kind of nice.  
  
Did Jackbird taste as good as he smelled?  
  
Glory's face was pressed to a patch of bare chest exposed at the neckline of his shirt and it was just an open invitation to find out. She took a lick. Not bad. Not bad at all.  
  
Making a noise low in his throat, Jackbird pushed her back and used one of those talented, reassuring hands to tilt her chin upwards. Before she could ask him what he was doing, he began attacking her mouth. This wasn't some gentle pressing of lips on lips. Nope. He was pushing his tongue into her mouth. Why? She had no idea. But he was invading her space and she meant to invade back. After all, he was going to be her minion and he needed to learn who was boss here.  
  
The battle went on for quite a while, tongues wrestling, odd noises coming from Jackbird and his hands wandering all over her body. Finally, he withdrew and Glory shot him a triumphant smile.  
  
***********************************  
  
Jack broke the kiss, looked down at the woman in his arms and wondered just what in the seven seas he was doing. Granted, she was beautiful and look at that smile, but he couldn't help but wonder if he really should be kissing a woman who'd been called 'The Beast' twice in the past fifteen minutes.  
  
The safest course of action, he decided, was to see what trouble Dawn was getting herself into. To his relief, she'd swiped whatever purses had been left behind and was now emptying the till.  
  
"Miss Dawn."  
  
Her head shot up and a guilt-stricken look crossed her face.  
  
"It's equal shares of the booty, love. And bring me a bottle of something from over there."  
  
Her nose wrinkled. "Haven't you had enough yet? Your liver must be the size a shriveled raisin with all the drinking you do!"  
  
"If ye want to be a pirate, ye're going to have to learn to follow orders." As if he was going to get into any kind of argument with the young whelp. And as if he'd ever let her join his crew. Well, what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.  
  
"I get to be a pirate? Yay, me!"  
  
"We'll see if ye get to be a pirate, lass," Jack said quickly, as she bounced over with not one, but two bottles. "I'm considerin' it, y'understand."  
  
"Oh, absolutely, Captain Ja - uh, Cap'n Sparrow, sir."  
  
Glory snorted at this.  
  
Jack narrowed his eyes at her. "Something funny, Beast?"  
  
Before Glory could respond, there was a knock at the tavern door. A well- dressed gentleman peered in at them. "Ah, Glorificus. I've been waiting for you."  
  
"Do I know you," she demanded, pushing past Jack, who tried to grab her arm and keep her safely at his side.  
  
The gentleman smiled and shook his head. "We haven't had the pleasure, though I've worked closely or rather, will work closely with some of your associates. I'm Holland Manners of Wolfram and Hart."  
  
Jack felt a tug at his sleeve and looked down to see a very tense-looking Dawn staring up at him.  
  
"Evil lawyers," she mouthed.  
  
Evil lawyers? So? "So?"  
  
"We don't want their help," Dawn announced. "They're probably just trying to interfere in the Shanshu anyway."  
  
"The what?"  
  
Manners looked absolutely offended. "That won't happen for at least another hundred years, Miss Summers. Our interest in Glorificus is based on other reasons."  
  
"Such as," Jack demanded.  
  
The lawyer looked him up and down and smiled slowly with recognition. "Ah, the famous Captain Jack Sparrow. We've been watching you, sir. First your work with the Aztec curse and now you're working with Glorificus. I do believe you're going to require closer attention."  
  
Jack was speechless. It didn't happen often, but since he'd met these two wenches, it was fast becoming an annoying trend.  
  
Manners took a seat at one of the empty tables and reached into the leather satchel he was carrying. "Shall we get down to business?"  
  
*******************************************************  
  
Part VIII - Follow the Yellow Brick Road  
  
Dawn waited a beat before settling into a seat beside Captain Jack. This was usually the part of the conversation where she was told to go to her room or go out and play or simply just get lost.  
  
Glory dropped into her chair and leaned forward eagerly. "So? What do you have for me, lawyer-man?"  
  
"How about a Daegonsphere?" Manners plucked it out of his satchel and tossed it to her.  
  
She caught the orb with a shriek and then quickly sobered. "It's not glowing. How come it's not glowing? Is it defective? I hope you can get your money back."  
  
Manners lifted it gently from her hand and waved the sphere in front of Dawn. The sphere began to glow green. "No, I don't believe it's the Daegonshpere."  
  
An elbow to her ribs, courtesy of Captain Jack, prompted Dawn to explain, "The Daegonsphere should actually repel Glory."  
  
"But it's defective."  
  
"It's working perfectly!" Manners quickly caught himself and stuffed the orb back into his satchel. "It's you that's not functioning up to your usual standards or, at least, the standards you set when you make your appearance in the year 2000."  
  
Dawn felt a sharp kick to her ankle under the table. Captain Jack again. She shot him a look. Maybe he was the one who should have been sent outside.  
  
"We figured that out already," Glory snapped. "Just tell me how to get home."  
  
"To do that, we need something from you, Glorificus." Manners reached into the satchel and produced a small stack of papers. "There's a spell that will tell us how to get you home, even if the stars and planets aren't properly aligned, which they won't be for about 27 years, but to work the spell we need to send you on a little quest for some of the ingredients."  
  
"Gods don't go on quests."  
  
That seemed like a pretty safe answer to Dawn. Everything she'd overheard Angel telling Buffy about these guys convinced her that the less involved with Wolfram and Hart they were, the better off they'd be.  
  
"Perhaps not," Manners allowed. "But the spell won't work if anyone other than you gathers these ingredients. Besides, you've got the Key and the captain of the legendary Black Pearl to aid you in your quest."  
  
"Just a bloody second, mate!" Captain Jack found his tongue at last and Dawn felt like cheering. Finally, someone was going to tell Wolfram and Hart to take a hike.  
  
"Jackbird." Glory reached across the table and laid her hand over his. "I'm sure it won't be any trouble at all."  
  
"These guys specialize in trouble," Dawn put in. Somebody had to speak reason here. "They're evil, for God's sake! Buffy said -"  
  
"Oh, well, if Buffy said," Glory snarked. "Fine. Let's just send the lawyer away and die in this smelly, primitive place. We're both mortal, so it could happen any day now. Feel like dying, Dawnie?"  
  
"I didn't say that. I just said we could probably work this out on our own."  
  
"Sure. Absolutely. Because we've already done such a great job with moldy peach pits and the minions on Jackbird's rotten pile of sticks."  
  
"Hey!" Captain Jack got to his feet. "Now, just a minute -"  
  
"I want to go home," Glory whined, batting her eyes at Captain Jack. "Won't you please help me?"  
  
That, Dawn realized, was the end of the argument and the start of worse things to come.  
  
************************************* Part IX -- Things Get Worse (Naturally)  
  
"Absolutely not! Are you out of your mind?!"  
  
Jack cringed inwardly at the loud verbal assault from AnaMaria. Truth be told, he expected as much from her and he also expected the disappointed stare that Gibbs was throwing his way. "The lass knows the location of treasure, Ana -"  
  
"She's a crazy bruja, Jack! If you follow her, you're going to get us all killed!" Ana's glare was positively murderous. "I can't believe you brought her back here. The little one, I could understand. She's got the makings of a first-class scallywag, but the bruja is dangerous!"  
  
"And ye know my feelings about women and ships, no offense, Ana," Gibbs added.  
  
"The Ivory Coast," Jack cajoled. "When was the last time we had such an adventure, mates?"  
  
"It doesn't feel long enough," Ana spat. "That business with Barbossa -"  
  
"Has nothing to do with Glory."  
  
"Oh, it's Glory, now, is it?" Ana gave Jack a hard shove. "I knew it. You bedded her, didn't you?!"  
  
Jack regarded her carefully, knowing he probably shouldn't say what he was about to say. "Don't tell me ye're jealous -"  
  
"What is it with you and crazy women, Jack?!"  
  
"She's not crazy."  
  
"She thinks she's a hell god."  
  
As tempting as it was to describe the utter panic Glory caused on Tortuga and their meeting with the satanic lawyer, there were some things even his most trusted crew didn't need to know. "We're setting sail in one hour. Get to work, ye scurvy dogs!"  
  
Muttering under her breath, Ana stormed out of his cabin with Gibbs on her heels.  
  
It was going to be a long trip.  
  
******************************************  
  
The next few days passed quickly and without incident. This could only mean, Jack realized later, that an incident was long overdue.  
  
Dawn had seized control of his library, spending countless hours with the books that were not in English but nonetheless had fascinating illustrations. Perhaps she could read them, after all. Glory seemed to understand them all, as well, and more than once he'd caught her speaking in tongues, reading aloud from some of the older volumes.  
  
Scanning the horizon, Jack recognized the signs. A storm was coming. No way to outrun it, but they could certainly avoid the worst of it. Shouting orders to the crew, he went to warn the women in his cabin.  
  
"Storm coming, ladies."  
  
Glory looked up from the book she was reading. "Is that bad?"  
  
"No, duh," Dawn griped. "We could get blown off course or capsize or smashed to bits."  
  
"That would be bad," Glory agreed. "Why don't you just get rid of the storm, Jackbird?"  
  
"Because while I am Captain Jack Sparrow, I do not have control of the weather, madam," he snapped. Would she ever get his name right? Did it even matter anymore? "Perhaps ye'd like to show this poor scallywag how it's done?"  
  
Glory jumped to her feet and beamed at him. "Okey-dokey."  
  
Oh no. What did he do?  
  
*****************************************  
  
"Are you sure about this," Dawn asked, as they went up on deck. "Willow tried lighting a fire once and caused a thunderstorm."  
  
"You're comparing me to that wanna-be?" Glory rolled her eyes. "Watch and learn, little Key. All you have to do is balance the elements."  
  
"That's what Willow said -"  
  
"And I told you, I'm not Willow. I'm a god, little girl."  
  
Dawn looked over her shoulder at Captain Jack, who was gripping the railing so hard his knuckles were turning white. "If you mess this up ---"  
  
"Please. This is child's play." Glory closed her eyes and raised her palms skyward. "Give me your hand, Dawnie. I need to borrow some of your power."  
  
Reluctantly, Dawn took Glory's hand.  
  
Almost instantly, a bolt of lightning sizzled overhead, nearly striking the main mast. There were shouts from the crew and Dawn could swear she saw Captain Jack cross himself.  
  
Glory cracked open one eye. "Jack, help me out here."  
  
"And do what?!"  
  
"Chant with me."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Gods of the earth, water and air..I don't hear chanting, Jack."  
  
"Gods of the earth, water and air," he mumbled.  
  
"Dawnie, you, too."  
  
"Gods of the earth, water and air," Dawn muttered.  
  
"Keep chanting," the hell-god ordered. "Louder."  
  
And that's when the storm erupted in its full fury.  
  
******************************************  
  
Part X - The Perfect Storm  
  
It took almost a full minute for Jack to realize that even though he could hear the wind and see the rain, not a drop of it was hitting the deck.  
  
"Witchcraft."  
  
Gibbs' voice broke Jack out of his reverie. It was witchcraft. And there was no other, even remotely plausible explanation he could give the crew. Speaking of the crew.they were standing there, frozen in place, mouths agape, staring at him. Except for AnaMaria.  
  
Ana was on her knees, crossing herself and praying loudly.  
  
"Oh my God. Did we do this?" Dawn looked at him wide-eyed. "Glory, what did you do?"  
  
Glory beamed. "Neat, huh?"  
  
"Unnatural, is what it is, missy," Gibbs hissed. "The work of the devil himself. Or herself."  
  
Jack tore himself away from the conversation to stare over the railing. The sea around the Black Pearl was completely calm. He turned slowly to look at Glory and it felt as if he were seeing her for the first time. Yes, he'd seen her terrorize an entire tavern, but to do this.  
  
"The crew is gonna mutiny for sure if ye don't get that witch off the Pearl, Jack." Gibbs planted himself in Jack's line of vision.  
  
"You know, you could try showing a little gratitude, Gibbsy," Glory snapped. "Here I am, manipulating time and space so your little boat doesn't get all smashed up and do you tell me how magnificent I am? How grateful you are that I bothered to take pity on your insignificance? Work with me here, Gibbsy!"  
  
"Jack, that bruja has to go!"  
  
And here came AnaMaria. Jack suppressed a groan. "She saved us -"  
  
"Would we even be in this situation if it weren't for her?"  
  
"There was a time," Glory said, coldly, circling AnaMaria, "not very long ago, when I could trap you in your own mind, in the dark with all the nasty, dirty things that scratched and clawed -"  
  
"Glory, don't!" Dawn grabbed Glory's arm. "Please."  
  
Ana shoved Dawn out of the way and moved into Glory's space. "No, little girl. Let her try."  
  
Dawn turned to Jack. "You can stop this. Please. I've got a bad feeling -"  
  
"It's not wise to piss off a god," Glory hissed at Ana. "I've slaughtered entire armies."  
  
"So you say," Ana spat. "Meanwhile the little girl gave you a fat lip."  
  
"Ana! Glory! Enough!" Jack thanked his lucky stars that the two wenches stopped cold and directed their attention to him. Now, if he could pull this off, it would become part of the Jack Sparrow legend. "Yes, Ana. Glory is a witch. And furthermore, she is my witch. I ordered her to protect the Pearl and ye can see how well she did as I bid her."  
  
To Dawn's credit, the girl seemed to catch on and she shushed Glory before the Beast could contradict him.  
  
"'Tis a powerful weapon in our arsenal," Jack continued. "Think of the advantages it gives us."  
  
"She says she's a god, not a witch," Ana countered.  
  
Think, Jack. Think fast. "God, witch, does it really make a difference? Look around ye. That's a powerful bad storm and yet it does not touch us. Do ye not agree?"  
  
Fortunately, there were murmurs of agreement from the crew.  
  
"Now back to work, ye scallywags, before I flog the lot of ye!"  
  
As the crew went back about their business, Jack found himself wondering if he'd brought nearly enough rum for the trip.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Part XI - We Plunder and Pillage, Don't We?  
  
"Hey, look, it's another ship!"  
  
Captain Jack plucked the telescope from Dawn's hands. "Did I say ye could borrow this?"  
  
"Uh, not in so many words."  
  
"Did I say ye could stand up here with me or did I give ye chores to do?"  
  
"What about that ship?" Maybe if she changed the subject, he'd forget about making her swab the deck. "Shouldn't we be plundering it or something?"  
  
"We? As in ye and me?"  
  
Dawn smiled weakly. "Since I'm part of the crew, now ---"  
  
"Part of the crew?!"  
  
"Well, I, uh, I'm not a prisoner any more, am I, Captain Jack?" Yeah, that's it, give him innocent-face. Innocent-face never lost an argument, not with Mom, not with Buffy and so far, not even with Captain Jack. Except for the deck-swabbing.  
  
He leaned down and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Nay, yer not. But ye are in charge of swabbing the deck, so I suggest ye go fetch the mop and get to work. Unless, ye'd rather be resting yer weary bones in the brig?"  
  
"Geez, what a grouch." Glory sashayed up to the helm.  
  
"Done peeling the potatoes, She Who Prepares Most Scrumptious Banquets?"  
  
"Y'know.." The hell god folded her arms across her chest and pouted up at Captain Jack. Dawn figured that would have about as much success as innocent-face. Who'd have guessed Captain Jack would get that wise, that fast?  
  
Captain Jack draped his arms around both of them. "We had an agreement, didn't we, pets?"  
  
"It was a stupid agreement," Glory argued.  
  
"Hardly. Ye didn't want to spend three months in the brig, so ye agreed to do as I bid ye."  
  
"But working in the galley?!"  
  
"Ye set fire to the sails, " Captain Jack exploded.  
  
"It was just a little fire," Glory sniffed, disdainfully. "Besides, you had extra ones -"  
  
"And we were only trying to help," Dawn added. "You said there wasn't enough wind."  
  
Captain Jack's embrace grew tighter and his voice dropped lower. "It's not open for discussion. Now get ye below deck while me crew plunders yonder ship."  
  
**********************************************  
  
Jack heaved a sigh of relief as they did what he told them. The slam of his cabin door was all he was waiting for and once Glory slammed it harder than it needed to be slammed, he began shouting orders to the crew.  
  
This was a fortunate turn of events. The crew was becoming antsy and this was just what they needed. Even AnaMaria, who'd been scowling at him for the past month, flashed him a grin as she ordered the long toms to be loaded.  
  
"Dutch," she crowed. "This'll be a good haul."  
  
"Aye," Jack agreed, rubbing the brand on his arm.  
  
It didn't take long before the Pearl intercepted the Dutch ship and blew a few large holes in its side. Everything seemed perfect. Which, he realized later, should have warned him that it was all about to go to hell.  
  
*****************************************  
  
Part XII. Drink Up, Me Hearties, Uh-Oh  
  
"So we're blowing holes in the other boat so we can steal their smelly cargo?" Glory stopped pacing Jackbird's cabin and leveled her gaze at Dawnie. "Why is Jackbird doing this, exactly?"  
  
Dawnie rolled her eyes. "This is what pirates do. Plunder, pillage ---"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Throwing her hands up in disgust, Glory peered out Jackbird's window. "Hey, look, Jackbird and some of his minions are going over there with swords."  
  
"That's part of the plundering and pillaging." Dawnie nudged Glory out of the way. "I think we're at the threatening and throat-slitting part."  
  
"They never let us do anything fun," Glory complained. "I wouldn't mind a little blood-letting. Just because I can't eat brains doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy seeing ---- hey! Dawnie, wanna go take a look-see?"  
  
"Captain Jack -"  
  
"He'll find something else to get pissed off about anyway." Reaching into Jackbird's weapons chest, Glory pulled out two swords. "Coming?"  
  
**************************  
  
The Dutch. Jack hated the Dutch. Hated their stupid language. Hated their clothes. And most of all, he hated their justice system. The Dutch captain jabbered indignantly until Jack thrust his tattooed 'P' under the scoundrel's nose. That stopped all the protests cold.  
  
"Jack!" Ana and two of the crew herded a group of cloaked figures onto the deck. "What do you want us to do with these?"  
  
Before he could order Ana to tie up the prisoners, he heard the unmistakable sound of metal on metal. Swords. Pulling out his own cutlass, he turned in time to see Dawn fending off a blow from another cloaked figure. The attacker lunged forward, but Dawn dodged the attack, dropping quickly and kicking his feet out from under him.  
  
At least Jack assumed it was a him.  
  
The young lass was fighting valiantly, dodging the cloaked one's blows, but she caught his eye. "Jack! Jaaaaaaaack!"  
  
Naturally. Sighing, he stepped in to rescue her and was nearly thrown off his feet by the ferocity of the cloaked man's attack. How the blazes had that mere slip of a girl managed not to get herself killed? His musing was cut short by a deep-throated roar from the cloaked man.  
  
As Jack backed up a pace or two, the man shed his cloak.  
  
It wasn't a man.  
  
It was..well, he had no idea what it was. But it was big. And it was ugly. And it had horns and fangs.  
  
And worse, it had four friends.  
  
*************************************  
  
AnaMaria wasn't sure whether to pray or scream. She was sure of one thing. This was all the crazy bruja's fault. Grabbing her sword, she snarled at the rest of the crew. "Don't just stand there, ye scallywags. Get in there and help him!"  
  
And as she was about to let loose her battle cry, there was dead silence on the deck of the Dutch boat.  
  
The monsters were kneeling at Glory's feet.  
  
And the crazy bruja was laughing.  
  
This was definitely all her fault.  
  
****************************************  
  
Part XIII - It Must Be Tuesday  
  
Dawn felt a hand on her shoulder and then Captain Jack's beard tickled her ear, as he whispered to her.  
  
"Mind tellin' me what the blazes is going on?"  
  
"I think Glory's found some minions."  
  
"I see." Captain Jack's grip grew tighter as the demons began prostrating themselves and chanting loudly. "Those be demons?"  
  
Dawn nodded. "Yeah."  
  
"Yeah?" His grip grew even tighter as he called out to Glory,a forced cheerfulness that Dawn recognized from recent conversations with Buffy. "Glory? Pet? GLORIFICUS!"  
  
The hell-god blinked up at him, a beatific smile on her face. "Look, Jackbird. Yurga demons! Can you believe it?"  
  
"I'm havin' a wee bit of a hard time, wi' it, truth be told, love." Glancing over his shoulder, he added. "So's the crew."  
  
The chanting grew louder and faster.  
  
Dawn shivered slightly and tightened her grip on her borrowed sword. "Captain Ja - uh, Cap'n Sparrow, sir?"  
  
He glared down at her. "What now?!"  
  
"M-maybe we should ask the captain of this ship why he was transporting demons? A-and maybe you should order your crew not to touch anything -"  
  
"Cursed treasure?"  
  
"Or powerful magicks." Cursed treasure? Dawn blinked up at him. Why would he know about cursed anything?  
  
"Aye, powerful magicks," Captain Jack said, softly, giving her shoulder another squeeze. He took a deep breath and bellowed loudly to his crew. "Listen up, ye scurvy curs! Don't be touching anything, less'n I tell ye otherwise!"  
  
The crew issued a collective groan.  
  
"Good enough for ye," Captain Jack asked her, voice heavy with sarcasm.  
  
Dawn nodded.  
  
"Now, lass, let's go have a friendly chat with the Dutchman."  
  
"What about Glory and the Yurgas?"  
  
They both glanced at the former hell-god, surrounded by her worshipping throng of admirers.  
  
"Leave it."  
  
"But -"  
  
"One crisis at a time, love. I may be Captain Jack Sparrow, but even I have me limits."  
  
************************************************  
  
And had his limits been reached! Steering the wee lass to the Dutch captain, he thrust her forward. "Go on, pet. Talk to him."  
  
"Uh, hi, how's it going?"  
  
The Dutch captain let loose a stream of words in his own tongue, with such a bitter, furious tone that the girl practically jumped into Jack's arms.  
  
She blinked up at him, all helpless innocence, save for the shiny cutlass still firmly in her grasp. "He's not happy."  
  
"Aye? And why would that be?"  
  
"He says he was paid a large commission to deliver the.something. The Yurgas are protecting it."  
  
Jack blinked. He hadn't expected the girl to understand Dutch and judging from the look on her face, neither was she. "Ye don't speak Dutch, do ye?"  
  
"I didn't think so, but..."  
  
The Dutch captain let loose another tirade.  
  
"Tell him to lighten up." Glory sidled up to Jack and playfully slapped his behind. "I like plundering, Jackbird."  
  
Jack decided to ignore the 'Jackbird' and the slap, which, under any other circumstances and with any other wench, would have led to plundering of another kind. "What did he say, Miss Dawn?"  
  
"He wants you to kill him. And his crew."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"He says that it's a preferable alternative to what's going to happen when his cargo doesn't get where it's going."  
  
"I see." Which, of course, he didn't, except for thinking the scurvy bugger had it coming. Bloody Dutch did anything for money. Turning to Glory, Jack plastered a fake smile on his face. "Glory, pet, did ye learn anything about the cargo?"  
  
"Yes, Jackbird, I did."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Dawnie and I may be able to get home without the stupid quest."  
  
"Really? How?" Did he really care how? If it got them off the Pearl that much sooner, he was all for it. Whatever it was.  
  
"We're going to have ourselves a little apocalypse and tear the dimensional gates wide open. How cool is that?"  
  
*****************************************  
  
Part XIV - Apocalypse Now  
  
Dawn was the first to break the stunned silence that followed. "Glory, if you do that, you're going to kill Captain Jack and everybody else."  
  
"What can I say, Dawnie?" The ex-hell god flashed a bright smile. "Can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."  
  
"Eggs? Eggs?!" Captain Jack lunged forward and grabbed Glory by the front of her robes. "Are ye out of yer mind, woman?! Yer talkin' about endin' the bloody world ---"  
  
His tirade was cut short by snarls from the Yurgas.  
  
Glory plucked his hands off and patted his chest. "Jackbird, if you had any idea how inferior this world was, you'd be helping me, instead of whining."  
  
"Whining? Glory, pet ---"  
  
This time, it was Dawn who cut him off. "Glory, you're human. You're not going to survive an apocalypse."  
  
"I'm only human for now, Dawnie. By moonrise, I'm going to be a god again." Glory clapped her hands and the Yurgas rose as one. Beaming at them, she cooed, "All right, boys, you know what to do!"  
  
The Yurgas advanced on Captain Jack's crew.  
  
"Glory, don't do this." Dawn backed up against Captain Jack. "It's wrong."  
  
"How can it be, Dawnie? I get to be a god again and we get to go home."  
  
"And what about me, love?" Captain Jack wrapped his arm protectively around Dawn. "Are ye going to kill me, too?"  
  
"Of course not, Jackbird."  
  
"Why don't I find that reassuring, darling?"  
  
"Jackbird, you and Dawnie really should put those swords down, otherwise my Yurgas are going to rip your arms off before I can tell them not to."  
  
"Glory, pet -"  
  
"Shhhhh." Glory waited until the Yurgas finished disarming them and tying them up. "It's okay, Jackbird. Don't be afraid. I'm going to set you free from this pathetic existence. Why can't you see that?"  
  
"Maybe because we like this pathetic existence," Dawn spat.  
  
"That's because you've forgotten what it's like to be the Key, Dawnie. You're so much more than this pitiful lump of flesh. You can't tell me you don't feel it and that you don't want to be powerful again."  
  
"If I was powerful again, Glory, I'd stomp your ass out of existence."  
  
"You'll see, Dawnie. When you're energy again, we're going to be closer than ever."  
  
"Never!"  
  
"Never's a long time, Dawnie." Glory clapped her hands again. "Take them below, boys. We've got work to do before the sun sets."  
  
**************************************************  
  
"I should've let ye run her through when ye asked."  
  
The girl didn't respond, merely twisted around, giving him her back. "Jack, can you do anything about these knots?"  
  
"Aye, maybe I can, at that."  
  
"And what good will it do," AnaMaria snarled. "That madwoman is up there on deck with her pet demons preparing to kill us all."  
  
Jack felt Dawn tense as his fingers tried to work the knots. The young lass' voice was almost as tight at the ropes that bound her. "We've got to try. Besides, we've got a couple of advantages."  
  
"Such as," Gibbs demanded.  
  
"She locked us down here with whatever's in that chest," Dawn explained. "If that's her plan to get home, maybe we can destroy it before she gets the chance to use it."  
  
"And what about her plan to get her powers back," Jack asked. Almost there. Not bad, Jack, ol' boy, he congratulated himself. "Any idea how she plans to do that?"  
  
Dawn grunted as he set her free and then turned to free him. "Probably blood. Mine, definitely, and I'm guessing yours and the crew's."  
  
As much as Jack wanted to argue, he had a sinking feeling she was right.  
  
"How long until sunset, Captain Jack?"  
  
"Three, maybe four hours, lass." The ropes binding his hands slipped off. "Good girl."  
  
"Captain?"  
  
"Yes, lass?"  
  
"I've never thwarted an apocalypse by myself before."  
  
"Neither have I, love." No amount of rum would have made this conversation any less surreal. Wait. Before? "There have been other apocalypses?"  
  
"Three, since Buffy became the Slayer, including Glory's last attempt to go home," Dawn replied, absently. She was leaning over what looked like a fancy coffin. "Oh.this is bad."  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"My sister."  
  
"Slayer?"  
  
"Vampire Slayer." She glanced up and thankfully filled him in. "It's complicated but it's this whole divine destiny thing."  
  
"Is she also an energy ball?"  
  
"No. But when the monks made me human, they made me out of Buffy so she'd protect me."  
  
Gibbs snorted loudly. "This is madness, Jack."  
  
"Maybe, Mr. Gibbs, but we don't have much choice," the young lass informed Jack's first mate gravely. "Jack, can you bring that candle over here? I need more light to read the inscriptions on this sarcophagus."  
  
"That's Captain Sparrow to ye," Jack replied, automatically, as he brought the candle closer. "What is this thing?"  
  
"This is Yurga."  
  
"I thought the demons were Yurga."  
  
"They are. This is the thing that.uh, hatched them."  
  
"Jack, she's in league with that devil woman." AnaMaria seized him by the arm. "Are you going to listen to her or to your crew?!"  
  
"And your advice would be what," Dawn demanded. "Go up there unarmed? She's got five pure-blood demons up there!"  
  
"It's better than sitting down here waiting for them to kill us. Besides.." Ana reached into her boot and produced a small dagger. "They missed this."  
  
The girl shook her head. "Put that away."  
  
"I don't take orders from you, witch."  
  
With that, Ana lunged forward. Jack launched himself forward, trying to push Dawn out of the way, but the dagger found its mark, slicing through the girl's arm. They landed with a crash on the sarcophagus.  
  
"Oh, no."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm bleeding."  
  
And bleeding she was. Her blood was splattered on the lid of the sarcophagus. Or, where the lid of the sarcophagus should have been. A gaping vortex whirled in front of them, growing larger with each passing second.  
  
He could feel it pulling them in.  
  
The only thing he could hear over the howling wind of the vortex was Dawn screaming his name.  
  
***************************************************  
  
"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!"  
  
"Say what?"  
  
Dawn opened her eyes, blinking as an unfamiliar living room came into focus, along with a very familiar figure. "Buffy?"  
  
"Hello, we've been talking about your grades for the past fifteen minutes, Dawn." Buffy frowned at her. "I thought you were listening."  
  
"I was," Dawn murmured. And, she realized, she was, but she'd also been in the hold of a Dutch merchant ship with Captain Jack. "Buffy, we have to stop Glory."  
  
"What?" Buffy's look shifted from one of annoyance to concern, as she reached for Dawn's forehead. "Dawnie, we stopped Glory three years ago. Remember?"  
  
"You died.." Dawn was remembering. Three years' worth of memories came flooding back to her along with the knowledge that Captain Jack was somewhere nearby, needing her help. "Buffy, where's Jack?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Captain Jack Sparrow, luv." The pirate appeared behind Buffy. Whatever tirade he was going to launch at Dawn was cut short by Buffy grabbing him by the throat and lifting him into the air.  
  
"Buffy, no! Put him down! He needs our help!"  
  
Buffy dropped Captain Jack, but kept a fist cocked in his direction. "Dawn, what the hell is going on here?!"  
  
"An apocalypse," Dawn sputtered. "Glory..we went through a portal and Captain Jack helped me but Glory's trying to end the world."  
  
"Again?"  
  
To be continued...  
  
Author's Note. Oh, I know. Bad, bad MsB, leaving you hanging. But how else would you be assured of a sequel and the joy of seeing Captain Jack Sparrow in the 21st Century? A special thanks to Darklight and Skip Ward and all the other wonderful people who kept urging me to "write more." I enjoyed your comments, questions and plot suggestions, a few of which found their way in, you clever minions, you. Hugs to all of you who read and enjoyed this story. 


End file.
